How has it been a year already? My baby turned one this week! Last year, toward the end of May, I was anticipating the arrival of our 4th baby. I was due the following month, but I was over being pregnant. I couldn’t exercise comfortably anymore, everything was getting on my nerves, and I was even wearing a maternity belt to help alleviate pelvic pain! My OB said it was too late in my pregnancy to start physical therapy, and that the maternity belt and taking it easy would be the best option, while offering some dates that I could schedule an induction.
I was hesitant, but picked a date after my due date to give him or her some time to come naturally. I went with the day after my youngest son's birthday, so that we'd have time to celebrate with him before the new baby came.
A few weeks passed, and so did my due date. No baby, but the same discomforts. I packed my bags and headed into the maternity center the night before my scheduled induction. They’d use this time to see if they could get my labor started, and if nothing happened by morning, the induction would begin. I enjoyed the last quiet night over dinner and a movie with my husband, and settled in for a night of sleep. I didn’t know then, how much my life was going to change the next day. Once the induction started the next morning, my labor suddenly progressed very rapidly. Although I had an epidural, I was slammed with intense pain back- to-back with each contraction and thought to myself that something wasn’t right. The baby’s heart rate dropped and I was told that if I didn’t deliver soon, I’d have to be taken into the OR for a C-Section. I gave everything I could to deliver the baby quickly, and thankfully was successful. Another BOY!
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Shortly afterward, while thinking of how my only daughter wouldn’t get the sister she was hoping for, things continued to go south. I remember asking them to take the baby, that I couldn’t see clearly, and asking my husband to call my dad. In the midst of everything that happened next, I remember thinking how caught off guard I was, and how unprepared I was for everything that could go wrong. My other deliveries had never gone this way, and I didn’t anticipate that this time around would be any different. This was supposed to be my “vacation” time. A couple of days to relax, enjoy being waited on, and embracing this new life before returning home and adjusting to life as a family of six. Instead, I ended up losing a substantial amount of blood, and needed surgery to save my life. I’ll never forget waking up to my OB saying the word..hysterectomy. She said that there was no other choice, as none of the other attempts to stop the bleeding worked. I spent the 1st day and part of the 2nd day separated from my baby, while recovering in the ICU.
A major mind-shift happened during my stay in the hospital. I realized how quickly my life could change and never to take it for granted. I am so thankful for the support I received from family, friends, and our church family who dropped off meals to us for the first three weeks when we got home. I still, to this day, do not know how my husband was able to hold it together while taking care of the new baby, being with me, and checking in on our other children. I am also grateful to my support team at Macaroni KID that gave me all the time I needed to recover. I want to share some of my take-aways from this life experience:
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Educate yourself. Get connected.
Ask questions and do your own research. Know the risks that are involved when you’re making decisions, so you can discuss them with your partner in advance, whenever possible. If you’re going through something difficult now, find resources for support. I’ve seen so many women share their different struggles on social media, looking for someone who understands them. I’m working to establish a space where moms can come together and share their life experiences, joys and struggles with one another. We’re not alone on this journey.
Everything isn’t always ok, and that’s ok. Speak up.
I went through a period of ups and downs after this experience. While we didn’t anticipate having another baby, having that possibility abruptly taken away was HARD. I had so much to be thankful for. Some people struggle to have just one. I’m alive. I’m blessed. Despite all of those truths, I was struggling emotionally and, at times, not sure if I was ok. I talked to my husband, and sought out a therapist when things weren’t getting better. Having a baby is huge adjustment and it’s so crucial to get the support that you need. Some of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in my adult life is what my dad shared with me…
- To accept help when it’s being offered,or we rob the giver of being a blessing to us.
- Don’t try to reinvent the wheel, let someone with experience come alongside you.
- Stop trying to do it all..you can’t.
I feel like there’s this perceived pressure we put on ourselves to do it all. That we should be able to adjust and keep it all together. It looks like other people have it together, right? But if we stop and get real with one another, we’ll quickly realize that it’s not always the case.
Embrace the seasons
Ahhhh, this one is so hard to learn while you’re in the middle of raising children! If you have older children, you know how fast time goes. If you are a new parent, just take one day at a time! I embraced the seasons with my first, but wished them away with my second and third baby. The sleepless nights, the seemingly endless feedings, putting the needs of your child ahead of your own…the list could go on and on. IT’S A LOT! I wanted them to be independent as soon as possible so I could get my body back, get my hands back, and do “all the things”. This year, my oldest is turning ten, my 2nd youngest is starting kindergarten, and my baby just turned one. I intentionally took in the moments and time didn’t slow down one bit! It seems never-ending when we’re in the middle of it, but when we get to the other side, and our children are grown, suddenly the years seem so short!
Late one night, while scrolling my phone to stay awake through the middle-of-the-night feedings, the following video popped up. This is your reminder to take the pictures and record the videos. Slow down and enjoy each day, even when it’s chaotic, even when messes are made right after you clean up. It won’t be this way forever.
Your fellow tired mom,
Camille
